A traveling preacher finds himself in a tremendous rainstorm.
Within a few hours the hotel he is staying in becomes flooded. As the water rises, the preacher climbs to the roof and starts praying.
"Lord, save me so I can continue on my mission of preaching your gospel."
Just then, a coast guard rescue party floats by in a rowboat. "Let's go mister. Into the boat."
"I'll stay here ," says the preacher, "The Lord will save me."
An hour later a second boat reaches the scene and the water is close to the roof of the hotel. "Sir, you better get in. The water is still rising."
"No thanks. The Lord will be my salvation.
Toward evening, the hotel is almost completely under water and the preacher is clinging to the satellite dish on the roof. A helicopter is spotted and on a loudspeaker is heard "HSir, grab on to the line and we will pull y ou up. This is your last chance.
"I'm all right," says the preacher, as he looks heavenward. "I know the Lord will provide sanctuary."
As the boat departs, the satellite dish is hit by lightning and the preacher is killed. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates he was furious.
"What happened, " he shouts. "I thought the Lord would provide!"
Moments later a thunderous voice is heard. "Gimmie a break pal. I sent you 2 boats and a chopper "
I installed Viralink from Andy-Coates site few days back . It is a good idea and working fine .
From links in Viralink I came across Jimmy Huen’s blog, Founders Cafe, and I read his post on
Want-some-link-love-in-addition-to-be-on-the-revenue-sharing-list
I found it interesting so after reading whole post , I went through the other related posts. Earlier I had left a comment on Andy-Coates blog when I saw Viralink , that he can start with Text links and here I found idea which offers more than text links .So I decided to join by this review of Founders Cafe.
As I surfed through Founders Cafe blog , I found it is about Internet Entrepreneur and Business as well as money making ideas. He is chronicling the entire process of his Internet Startup in real time, and is offering to link to your blog and an early registration spot for his revenue sharing program if you do a brief review of his blog post.The idea of revenue sharing is a great offer !
As my blog is also few months old I read posts on blog marketing tricks .I found it informative and useful and I am implementing it too !
Users in line for Beta Testing and Revenue Sharing Claims
As of 5/30/2007, below are users, bloggers, visitors that are currently in line for a private beta testing invitation. For more information on how to get on this list, please see instructions:
Priority 1 - Internet Startup Entrepreneur and Money Making Ideas:
- 10.) Rumble of Thoughts
Priority 2:
Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 21:44 Labels: Clean jokes, Hindi JokesOne day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ),
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give
Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !"So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 21:44 Labels: Clean jokes, Hindi JokesOne day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ),
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give
Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !"So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dachshund thinks, I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here? “
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew”, says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund ! nearly had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine”.
Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks What am I going to do now?
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says........ ......... .....
”Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”
during my surfing of internet I cam across jakeldaily.com website. And I saw the offer of review offer of his blog.
Ja Kel Daily dot com eventually wants to make money online and is offering to link to your blog if you review his blog.
I found this interesting so I started writing this review.My first impression was that this blog will be on Making Money online tips and articles.But When I visited jakedaily.com I found categories as Cars , Family , Videos , Wordpress etc. I went through each of them and found interesting posts.As I also wanted to open a blog on wordpress , posts on wordpress were very useful.
Moreover when today I visited the blog I found one interesting offer Get 240 links from 40 blogs for $25.
Really a good value for money.
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing them phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, where as women use 20,000 words per day.
His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"
She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water Closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house... ..a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost been a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all
since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be
seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
The Woman fainted reading the reply........and she never visited
India !!!!
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid Rs.125 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet? " If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:
"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.
His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.
The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."
Sir Isaac Newton had a theory of how to get the best outcomes in a courtroom. He suggested to lawyers that they should drag their arguments into the late afternoon hours. The English judges of his day would never abandon their 4 o'clock tea time, and therefore would always bring down their hammer and enter a hasty, positive decision so they could retire to their chambers for a cup of Earl Grey. This tactic used by the British lawyers is still recalled as Newton's Law of Gavel Tea. (Guy Ben Moshe)
The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a tribe in Borneo. The missionary asked the chief, "Do you people know anything about religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here."
Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4 year old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself. We would spar around for a few minutes before supper. One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was friendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "yes." The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "do you want a box?" Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose. After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckily, our salesman was the father of a 4 year old.
1. SSC + HSC + BCOM + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT
2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol
8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum’s favourite serials.
9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace =
One sooraj Barjataya Film
**********
& the winner is ………
One S/W engineer + No work = Many forwards………..!!!!
girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
ex-girlfriends.In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all
the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the file, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
I am a part time blogger since last few months.But I do have good web related experience.
As each blogger I was learning new thing daily , wanted 'How to' help and I am always in search
of tools and techniques to promote my blogs. So I keep on surfing and searching and I came across darin.cc blog which is mainly about Search Engine Marketing.To my great surprise he is offering to link to your blog if you review his blog and you could win a Free Nintendo Wii in the process! . That is just great !. I was excited so I asked him whether I can post three reviews on my three blogs and he replied yes ! .
I checked darin.cc site's traffic and rankings.
Alexa traffic rank is 208,326 and almost 123,123 average visitors per week !
It is also one of the top most sites on Search Engine Marketing.
As I liked the site I started reading different posts.As I use Alexa.com frequently , first I clicked on category 'Alexa' and found two interesting posts there. It was informative and useful.
During reading posts on this website I found few word are double underlined with red color.
And if mouse rolls over it , a small window was poping up with a advertisement.
This a good idea to get the advertise viewed or clicked but a disturbance to the reader.
The next post I read was 'Search Engine Marketing - Dying ?'. A good informative article.
Then I went to different category 'How to' and there went through all the four posts.
They were just superb and gave me tips and tricks.
I was reading his blog for almost 3 to 4 hours. Great work Derrick ! I wish I can make such a website/blog !
Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.
I am a part time blogger and have started blogging few months before.I have created two blogs so far one on humour and this one on Funny Jokes so far.
I also wanted to make money online as others.So I monetized my blogs using google adsense and other affiliate programs.During my net surfing I came across Johnchow website/blog.I stared reading and I found it so interesting and useful that continued for four hours.The articles are entertaining and informative.I feel whether you are a new or experienced blogger you must read Making money online with John Chow.
I checked its traffic ranking on alexa.com and it was 2774!. And around 2673 visitors per day!
If you review of his blog, he’ll link to it and send you a ton of traffic.
competition
Organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......
A MBA and a C.A go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the C.A wakes his MBA friend. "
Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
" Astronomically speaking, it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately
a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is
all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have
a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The C.A.student is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender."
The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please."
The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk's instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender.
The bartender says, "What… No drink for me?"
The drunk says "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."