The mother of a 17 year old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh: "Mum, you don't have to worry about! I'm dating Susan!"
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from
his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
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Hindi Sardar Joke
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
============ ======
Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
============ ======
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it
A Catholic Priest was about to leave His Mission in the jungles where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English,
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree ." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and he points to a rock and says, " This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, " Riding
a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills both of them!
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replies, "My bike. "
Do you know the relationship between two eyes..? They blink together,
They move together, they cry together, they see things together and
They sleep together BUT THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.. that's what's friendship
But when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye goes blink and the other remains open...
Moral of the story : Girls can break even the best of friendships.
A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.
About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program? "
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
women are clever, and men are................
check out man !!!!
MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That
will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!
Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart!
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour!
MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That
will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack!"
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!
Male readers: Please scroll down.
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---
--
--
---
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart!
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour!
Laughter is an instant vacation. ~Milton Berle
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. ~Victor Borge
What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. ~Yiddish Proverb
A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash. ~Puzant Kevork Thomajan
Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. ~Max Eastman
A man isn't poor if he can still laugh. ~Raymond Hitchcock
CONFIDENCE:
One Day all villagers decided to pray for rain.
On the day of prayer all people gathered & only one boy come with umbrella. THATS CONFIDENCE.
TRUST:
Trust should be like feeling of a 1 year old baby, when you throw him in the air, he laughs....
Because he know you will catch him...
HOPE:
Every night we go to bed, have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning
But still we have many plans for coming day...
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door ( which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, " but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Screw him - - - give him a dollar ."
The blonde then blushed and said, "The breakfast was my idea "
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
"May we see the new baby?" one asked.
" Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another
Relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they
Asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he cries?"
"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?????"
The newly married couple
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 23:46 Labels: Humor jokes, Really Funny JokesA young couple left their wedding reception, arriving at the hotel for the first night of their honeymoon. They cracked the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife said, "Your toes look all mangled and funny."
"I had tolio as a child," the husband replied.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, the disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this, and they continued undressing.
When the groom took off his pants, his bride exclaimed, "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles.
It was a strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride was satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband removed his undies.
"Let me guess," the wife said. "Smallcox?"
"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."
"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.
"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."
We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."
"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."
"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .
But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
Practice makes a man perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .so why practice?
Money is not everything.
There's MasterCard & Visa.
Save water.
Shower with your girl friend.
Love thy neighbour.
But don't get caught.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop
Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children
There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning
"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !
God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.
When two's company, - three's the result!
Three female spies -- a brunette, a red-head, and a blonde -- had been captured and were awaiting execution. The enemy dictator was nostalgic and had ordered an old-fashioned execution: death by firing squad.
Needless to say, the three spies wanted to survive... but they needed a plan. The red-head spoke up. "I have an idea," she said. "Follow my lead."
As it happened, the red-head was first up against the wall.
"Do you have any last words?" the dictator asked.
"No," she replied.
"Very well," said the dictator as he turned to his soldiers.
"Ready.... Aim...."
"TORNADO!" yelled the red-head, pointing behind the troops.
The gunmen all turned around, and she escaped!
The brunette and blonde saw this and got the idea. Next it was the brunette's turn. The dictator marched her up to the wall in front of his soldiers.
"Do you have any last words?" he asked.
"No," she replied.
"Very well," said the dictator as he turned to his soldiers.
"Ready.... Aim...."
"TIDAL WAVE!" the brunette yelled out, pointing.
The gunmen all turned around, and she escaped, too!
The dictator was becoming frustrated, but now it was the blonde's turn. He marched her to the wall in front of his troops.
"Do you have any last words?" he asked, suspiciously.
"No," she replied.
"Very well," said the dictator as he turned to his soldiers.
"Ready.... Aim...."
"FIRE!" said the Blonde
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." -- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what ... is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." -- Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
"Who in their right mind would ever need more than 640k of ram!?" --Bill Gates, 1981
A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted.
When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried, "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
A man went fishing one day. He looked over the side of his boat and saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake, and set the frog free. But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked around the boat, but he had no food. All he had was a bottle of bourbon.
So he opened the bottle and gave the snake a few shots. The snake went off happy, the frog was happy, and the man was happy to have performed such good deeds. He thought everything was great until about ten minutes passed and he heard something knock against the side of the boat. With stunned disbelief, the fisherman looked down and saw the snake was back with two frogs!
A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions. "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"
The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."
"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference
between deciding to jump and jumping.
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was no where to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom"? the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
Funny children jokes
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 01:18 Labels: Clean jokes, Kids Jokes, Really Funny JokesEnjoy 3 funny children jokes
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.""Yes," the class said."Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"A little fellow shouted,"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:"Take only ONE. God is watching."Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
A man speaks frantically into the phone,
"My wife is pregnant , and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot !" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results.
They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?
What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"
A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there.
The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?"
And the man replies, "No, just spots."
A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband.
The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it.
It was her husband. He says: "How's the new cell phone?"
She replied: "Great...but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?"
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.
When returning to her car she found that she had locked her keys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.
She didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.
She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.
Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and in less than one minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you so much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud,
"Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a professional! "
Reason why never visit a 5* Hotel
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 07:52 Labels: Humor jokes, Really Funny JokesQuestion : " What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "tea please "
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? "
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey? "
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst
Enjoy following one line jokes! Keep visiting for more !
If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Never try to drown your troubles... Especially if he can swim.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.
By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong.
Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn't have.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
There are three sides to every argument: your side,my side and the right side.
An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
They say hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance.
Enjoy following 4 really funny children jokes
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.
"Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
Enjoy 2 -3 liner short sardar jokes
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
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How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
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What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand
grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
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What do you do when a Sardar throws a
pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand
grenade in his mouth.
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How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
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What is the Sardar doing when he holds
his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
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Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on
Monday.
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Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
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How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
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What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear
to ear?
A wind tunnel.
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What do you see when you look into a
Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
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What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
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What do you call a sardar who has only
one drink?
Just-one Singh.
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Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can
wait'". Kevin turned to his younger brother & said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
Theories of cat behavior
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 22:21 Labels: Humor jokes, Really Funny JokesLAW OF CAT INERTIA
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
LAW OF CAT MOTION
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
FIRST LAW OF CAT ENERGY CONSERVATION
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
LAW OF BAG/BOX OCCUPANCY
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
LAW OF FURNITURE REPLACEMENT
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
LAW OF CAT COMPOSITION
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-matter + It Doesn't Matter.
LAW OF CAT OBEDIENCE
As yet undiscovered.
Employee Handbook
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 04:51 Labels: Clean jokes, Humor jokes, Really Funny JokesDRESS CODE:It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $250 Prada sneakers & carrying a $400 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in- between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS:We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
PERSONAL DAYS:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
VACATION DAYS:All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Dec. 25 & Jan 1st
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least a two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
LUNCH BREAK:Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations , contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.
dry cleaners & lawyers
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 07:17 Labels: Really Funny Jokes, Short funny jokesWhat's the difference between a dry cleaner and a lawyer?
If the dry cleaner loses your suit, he'll pay you. If the lawyer loses your suit, you'll still get taken to the cleaners.
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny
object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
The sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
he clerk responds, "It
keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold
things cold."
The sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with
this new thermos.
His sardar boss sees him and asks,"What
is that shiny object with
you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says,"What does it do?" He
replies, "It keeps hot
things
hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in
it?"
The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee
and a coke."
------------------
A Sardar took an answering machine home
and fixed it home somewhere
in Rajasthan, but two days later
disconnected it because he was getting
complaints like "Saala phone utha ke
bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
-------------------
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd
freedom fighters. They were
planning for free Punjab.
Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll
get Punjab from India but how
would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed.
Suddenly Banta Singh replied,
"No problem! we'll attack USA, it would
take over us and then we
would
be a state of USA and we'll
automatically get developed."
All the surds became happy on this very
simple solution
but an old surd did not utter a single
word. Someone asked him why he
wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH!
THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN
IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
Discovery of new element
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 07:21 Labels: Humor jokes, Really Funny JokesInvestigators at a major U.S. research university recently discovered the heaviest element known to science. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0.
However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. It is also surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and
assistant vice neutrons exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium sample's mass actually INCREASES over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that perhaps Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical morass."
However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. It is also surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and
assistant vice neutrons exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium sample's mass actually INCREASES over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that perhaps Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical morass."
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read:
"I'm the Boss!"
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: -
"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
1.SHOPPING MATHS
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
2.GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
3.HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
4.LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
5.PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
6.DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
The income tax officer decides to audit Sindhi businessman Mr. Kewalramani, and summons him to the income tax office. The officer is not surprised when Kewalramani shows up with his attorney, Pestonji..
The officer says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment,which you explain by saying that you won money gambling. I'm not sure the income tax finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Kewalramani."How about a demonstration?"
The officer thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Kewalramani says, ** "I'll bet you ten thousand rupees that I can bite my own eye."
The officer thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Kewalramani removes his glass eye and bites it.
The officer's jaw drops.
Kewalramani says, "Now, I'll bet you Twenty Thousand rupees that I can bite my other eye."
The officer can tell Kewalramani isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Kewalramani removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned officer now realizes he has wagered and lost* *Thirty thousand rupees, with Pestonji as a witness.
He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Kewalramani asks.
"I'll bet you Sixty Thousand rupees that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The officer, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and Decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, So he agrees again.
Kewalramani stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The officer leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss Into a huge win.
But Pestonji moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the officer asks.* *
"Not really," says Pestonji, the attorney.
"This morning, when Kewalramani told me he'd been summoned for an audit,he bet me One Hundred Thousand Rupees that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so man would live
a long and healthy life.
But Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the double
cheeseburger.
And McDonald's said to man, "You want fries with that?"
And man said "Supersize them" and man gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my fresh salad."
But Satan created ice cream.
And man gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive
oil with which to cook them."
But Satan created steak so big that it needs its own platter.
And man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and man resolved to lose those
extra pounds.
But Satan created cable TV with remote control so man would not have
to toil to change channels.
So man watched others exercise and man gained pounds.
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable low in fat and brimming
with nutrition.
But Satan created deep fried potatoes called potato chips (crisps)
and dips in which to plunge them.
And man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled
in fat and cholesterol,
It tasted good, but man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
But Satan controlled the health care system.
Favorite Songs of Biblical Figures
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 06:12 Labels: Clean jokes, Humor jokesFavorite Songs of Biblical Figures
Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses: "The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"
Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Joshua: "Good Vibrations"
Peter: "I'm Sorry"
Esau: "Born To Be Wild"
Jeremiah: "Take This Job and Shove It"
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.
"How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"
"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight."
The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.
"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a
repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."
"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"
"Why, George! Your husband!... Isn't this 223-1374?"
"No, this is 232-1374."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."
There was a short pause and the housewife said,
"Does this mean you're not coming over?"
A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a
horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so
pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.
"Afraid not," said the farmer.
"I'll give you a thousand bucks!" said the city fella.
"I can't sell you that horse. He don't look too good," replied the farmer.
"I know horses and he looks fine. I'll give you two thousand!"
"Well, all right, if you want him so bad."
The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been gypped. "You sold me a blind horse!"
"Well," said the farmer, "I told you he didn't look too good."
It's not difficult ...All you have to do is to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. PassionateWITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girlsAND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goesIT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :
1. Leave him in peace, NO Nagging (very, very, very important).
2. Feed him well.
3. Let him have the remote control.
A Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color
TVs?"
"Sure."
Give me a green one, please."
-----------------------------------
A Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it
take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
----------------------------
EMPLOYMENT..
Our sardarji was filling up an application form
for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled
NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He
was not sure as to what to be filled there.
after much thought he wrote : Yes
----------------------------------
CROCODILE BOOTS..
A Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if
you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets
off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search
is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles
and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over
the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims
"71st and *again* barefeet!"
A man was driving down the highway in his pick-up truck and there was this lone monkey just sitting along the side of the road.
Confused, the man stopped the truck and opened the door. "You need a lift?" he asked. The monkey just stared back at him and scratched his butt. Eventually the man got out, picked the monkey up, put it in his front seat and started down the road again.
At this time there was a state trooper cruising down in the opposite direction. The policeman happened to see the man pick up the monkey. Knowing that it was not only illegal to pick up hitch hikers, but also illegal to have a monkey, he pulled the man over a few miles down the road. The policeman chewed the man out for picking up the monkey and told him to take it to the zoo immediately. The man agreed and was off.
The next day the policeman saw the man driving down the highway with the monkey again. So he pulled the man over and said, "I thought I told you to take that monkey to the zoo."
"I did," replied the man, "and we had so much fun that today we're going to Sea World!"
There once was a man who went to a computer trade show. Each day as he entered, the man told the guard at the door: "I am a great thief, renowned for my feats of shoplifting. Be forewarned, for this trade show shall not escape me unplundered. "
This speech disturbed the guard greatly, because there were millions of dollars of computer equipment inside, so he watched the man carefully. But the man merely wandered from booth to booth, humming quietly to himself.
When the man left, the guard took him aside and searched his clothes, but nothing was to be found.
On the next day of the trade show, the man returned and chided the guard, saying, "I escaped with a vast booty yesterday, but today will be even better." So the guard watched him ever more closely, but to no avail.
On the final day of the trade show, the guard could restrain his curiosity no longer. "Sir Thief," he said, "I am so perplexed, I cannot live in peace. Please enlighten me. What is it that you are stealing?"
The man smiled. "I am stealing ideas," he said.
This speech disturbed the guard greatly, because there were millions of dollars of computer equipment inside, so he watched the man carefully. But the man merely wandered from booth to booth, humming quietly to himself.
When the man left, the guard took him aside and searched his clothes, but nothing was to be found.
On the next day of the trade show, the man returned and chided the guard, saying, "I escaped with a vast booty yesterday, but today will be even better." So the guard watched him ever more closely, but to no avail.
On the final day of the trade show, the guard could restrain his curiosity no longer. "Sir Thief," he said, "I am so perplexed, I cannot live in peace. Please enlighten me. What is it that you are stealing?"
The man smiled. "I am stealing ideas," he said.
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely: Picnic tables, horseshoe courts, a volleyball court, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there in a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there in a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.
'They've stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator, ' he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came over the line. 'Never mind,' said the drunk with a hiccup, 'I got in the
backseat by mistake.'
Hopping and Bouncing and Skipping
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 22:22 Labels: Clean jokes, Really Funny JokesAn obese blonde with unhealthy overweight, went to Doctor. Her doctor put her on a diet with strict advise. "I want you to eat regularly for two days and then skip a day. I want you to repeat this
procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Wow, this is amazing!" the doctor said,
"So you did follow my instructions? "
The blonde nodded yes. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" The Doctor asked.
"No, from skipping", The Blonde explained.
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic."Try to do it when the engine is running".
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic."Try to do it when the engine is running".
Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed? The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.
Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster.
He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.
He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life.
He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. " He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer .. $ 2.00
Knowing where to ......... $ 9998.00
A traveling preacher finds himself in a tremendous rainstorm.
Within a few hours the hotel he is staying in becomes flooded. As the water rises, the preacher climbs to the roof and starts praying.
"Lord, save me so I can continue on my mission of preaching your gospel."
Just then, a coast guard rescue party floats by in a rowboat. "Let's go mister. Into the boat."
"I'll stay here ," says the preacher, "The Lord will save me."
An hour later a second boat reaches the scene and the water is close to the roof of the hotel. "Sir, you better get in. The water is still rising."
"No thanks. The Lord will be my salvation.
Toward evening, the hotel is almost completely under water and the preacher is clinging to the satellite dish on the roof. A helicopter is spotted and on a loudspeaker is heard "HSir, grab on to the line and we will pull y ou up. This is your last chance.
"I'm all right," says the preacher, as he looks heavenward. "I know the Lord will provide sanctuary."
As the boat departs, the satellite dish is hit by lightning and the preacher is killed. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates he was furious.
"What happened, " he shouts. "I thought the Lord would provide!"
Moments later a thunderous voice is heard. "Gimmie a break pal. I sent you 2 boats and a chopper "
I installed Viralink from Andy-Coates site few days back . It is a good idea and working fine .
From links in Viralink I came across Jimmy Huen’s blog, Founders Cafe, and I read his post on
Want-some-link-love-in-addition-to-be-on-the-revenue-sharing-list
I found it interesting so after reading whole post , I went through the other related posts. Earlier I had left a comment on Andy-Coates blog when I saw Viralink , that he can start with Text links and here I found idea which offers more than text links .So I decided to join by this review of Founders Cafe.
As I surfed through Founders Cafe blog , I found it is about Internet Entrepreneur and Business as well as money making ideas. He is chronicling the entire process of his Internet Startup in real time, and is offering to link to your blog and an early registration spot for his revenue sharing program if you do a brief review of his blog post.The idea of revenue sharing is a great offer !
As my blog is also few months old I read posts on blog marketing tricks .I found it informative and useful and I am implementing it too !
Users in line for Beta Testing and Revenue Sharing Claims
As of 5/30/2007, below are users, bloggers, visitors that are currently in line for a private beta testing invitation. For more information on how to get on this list, please see instructions:
Priority 1 - Internet Startup Entrepreneur and Money Making Ideas:
- 10.) Rumble of Thoughts
Priority 2:
Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 21:44 Labels: Clean jokes, Hindi JokesOnce upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ),
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give
Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !"So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ),
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give
Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !"So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 21:44 Labels: Clean jokes, Hindi JokesOnce upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ),
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give
Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !"So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe ),
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give
Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !"So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.
One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dachshund thinks, I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here? “
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew”, says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund ! nearly had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine”.
Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks What am I going to do now?
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says........ ......... .....
”Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”
One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dachshund thinks, I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here? “
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew”, says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund ! nearly had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine”.
Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks What am I going to do now?
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says........ ......... .....
”Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”
during my surfing of internet I cam across jakeldaily.com website. And I saw the offer of review offer of his blog.
Ja Kel Daily dot com eventually wants to make money online and is offering to link to your blog if you review his blog.
I found this interesting so I started writing this review.My first impression was that this blog will be on Making Money online tips and articles.But When I visited jakedaily.com I found categories as Cars , Family , Videos , Wordpress etc. I went through each of them and found interesting posts.As I also wanted to open a blog on wordpress , posts on wordpress were very useful.
Moreover when today I visited the blog I found one interesting offer Get 240 links from 40 blogs for $25.
Really a good value for money.
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing them phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing them phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, where as women use 20,000 words per day.
His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"
In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster.
She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water Closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house... ..a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost been a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all
since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be
seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
The Woman fainted reading the reply........and she never visited
India !!!!
She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water Closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house... ..a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost been a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all
since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be
seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
The Woman fainted reading the reply........and she never visited
India !!!!
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid Rs.125 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet? " If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:
"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.
His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.
The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."
A friend of mine was having a bit of marital tension in his household and was trying to figure out just what to do about it. In the course of our conversation, I happened to mention to him that: "You know, quite often God speaks to us through our wives. " My friend looked at me kind of funny and said, "Wow! I didn't know God used that kind of language! "
Sir Isaac Newton had a theory of how to get the best outcomes in a courtroom. He suggested to lawyers that they should drag their arguments into the late afternoon hours. The English judges of his day would never abandon their 4 o'clock tea time, and therefore would always bring down their hammer and enter a hasty, positive decision so they could retire to their chambers for a cup of Earl Grey. This tactic used by the British lawyers is still recalled as Newton's Law of Gavel Tea. (Guy Ben Moshe)
The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a tribe in Borneo. The missionary asked the chief, "Do you people know anything about religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here."
Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4 year old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself. We would spar around for a few minutes before supper. One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was friendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "yes." The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "do you want a box?" Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose. After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckily, our salesman was the father of a 4 year old.
Sir Isaac Newton had a theory of how to get the best outcomes in a courtroom. He suggested to lawyers that they should drag their arguments into the late afternoon hours. The English judges of his day would never abandon their 4 o'clock tea time, and therefore would always bring down their hammer and enter a hasty, positive decision so they could retire to their chambers for a cup of Earl Grey. This tactic used by the British lawyers is still recalled as Newton's Law of Gavel Tea. (Guy Ben Moshe)
The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a tribe in Borneo. The missionary asked the chief, "Do you people know anything about religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here."
Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4 year old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself. We would spar around for a few minutes before supper. One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was friendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "yes." The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "do you want a box?" Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose. After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckily, our salesman was the father of a 4 year old.
1. SSC + HSC + BCOM + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT
2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol
8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum’s favourite serials.
9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace =
One sooraj Barjataya Film
**********
& the winner is ………
One S/W engineer + No work = Many forwards………..!!!!
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
ex-girlfriends.In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all
the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the file, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
ex-girlfriends.In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all
the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the file, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
I am a part time blogger since last few months.But I do have good web related experience.
As each blogger I was learning new thing daily , wanted 'How to' help and I am always in search
of tools and techniques to promote my blogs. So I keep on surfing and searching and I came across darin.cc blog which is mainly about Search Engine Marketing.To my great surprise he is offering to link to your blog if you review his blog and you could win a Free Nintendo Wii in the process! . That is just great !. I was excited so I asked him whether I can post three reviews on my three blogs and he replied yes ! .
I checked darin.cc site's traffic and rankings.
Alexa traffic rank is 208,326 and almost 123,123 average visitors per week !
It is also one of the top most sites on Search Engine Marketing.
As I liked the site I started reading different posts.As I use Alexa.com frequently , first I clicked on category 'Alexa' and found two interesting posts there. It was informative and useful.
During reading posts on this website I found few word are double underlined with red color.
And if mouse rolls over it , a small window was poping up with a advertisement.
This a good idea to get the advertise viewed or clicked but a disturbance to the reader.
The next post I read was 'Search Engine Marketing - Dying ?'. A good informative article.
Then I went to different category 'How to' and there went through all the four posts.
They were just superb and gave me tips and tricks.
I was reading his blog for almost 3 to 4 hours. Great work Derrick ! I wish I can make such a website/blog !
Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.
I am a part time blogger and have started blogging few months before.I have created two blogs so far one on humour and this one on Funny Jokes so far.
I also wanted to make money online as others.So I monetized my blogs using google adsense and other affiliate programs.During my net surfing I came across Johnchow website/blog.I stared reading and I found it so interesting and useful that continued for four hours.The articles are entertaining and informative.I feel whether you are a new or experienced blogger you must read Making money online with John Chow.
I checked its traffic ranking on alexa.com and it was 2774!. And around 2673 visitors per day!
If you review of his blog, he’ll link to it and send you a ton of traffic.
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a
competition
Organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......
A MBA and a C.A go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the C.A wakes his MBA friend. "
Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
" Astronomically speaking, it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately
a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is
all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have
a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The C.A.student is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
competition
Organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......
A MBA and a C.A go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the C.A wakes his MBA friend. "
Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
" Astronomically speaking, it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately
a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is
all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have
a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The C.A.student is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender."
The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please."
The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk's instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender.
The bartender says, "What… No drink for me?"
The drunk says "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
A South American scientist from Argentina ,
after a lengthy study, has discovered that
people with very low intelligence read their
Emails with their hand on the mouse.
..
..
..
..
..
..
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late buddy
In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state (brilliant answer).
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room , how can you escape if it caught fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
Sardar starts shouting in a store...... where is my free gift with this
oil?
Shopkeeper : there is nothing free with this
Sardar: it is written CHOLESTROL FREE.
Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha
Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football evry night
DR: take this tablet you will be ok
Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final match
More Jokes- from India
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 23:24 Labels: Clean jokes, Hindi Jokes, Really Funny JokesIt takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers 2 protect a
country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home!
Let's Thank... KAAMWALI BAI
Boy: I'm not rich like Rahul, I don't even have a big car like Rahul, but I
really Luv U!
Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.
Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.
Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya
kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal
Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN
Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile, mujhse bhi achche yaar mile,
meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile
It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one
exam.
Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS
Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath deha
gaya .
3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey
Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein
A Boy was playing in the park with his father sitting on a bench with his friend.
Father: Beta ! What is 9 multiplied by 8 ?
Beta: 76
Father : Good!
Father's friend got terrified.
Friend: Arre Yaar! 9 multiplied by 8 is 72. your boy said 76 and you congratulated him.
Father: He has improved a lot. He used to say 80.
Laloo At Microsoft
Posted by Funniest Pictures at 23:35 Labels: Clean jokes, Hindi Jokes, Really Funny JokesOnce Laloo of Bihar, sent his bio data to america to
apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation. A few
days later he got this reply.
" Dear Mr. Laloo , you do not meet our requirements.
Please do not send any further correspondence. No
phone call shall be entertained. Thanks"
Laloo jumped with joy on recieving this reply and
arranged a party. when all the guests arrived, he
said, "Bhaiyon aur behno, aap ko Jaan kar khushi
hogee ki hum amreeca mein naukri mil gayeen hoon."
Everyone was delighted...
Laloo continued.....
" Ab main aap sab ko apna appointment letter padkar
sunaoonga, par letter english mein hain isliyen
saath - saath hindi mein translate bhi karoonga.
Dear Mr.Laloo ----- Pyare Laloo bhaiya
You do not meet ----- Aap to milte hi naheen ho
Our requirement----- Humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any further correspondance-----
Ab letter wetter bhejne ka kauno jaroorat nahi
No phone call ------- Phoonwa ka bhi jaroorat nahee.
Shall be entertained ----- Bahut khatir ki jayegi
Thanks---- Aapka bahut bahut dhanyavad
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