The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner asks the new clerk: "What's with the guy over there by the wall?"
The new clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative"
The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"
The new clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough."
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body: A Frenchman, 72, died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."
"Second body: "Irishman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Joe JR, the Redneck from Neon . Kentucky, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."
YO MAMA SO FAT WHEN SHE STEP ON DA SCALE IT SAYS TO BE CONTINUED
your mamma is so fat when she goes swimming in the ocean she gets harpooned.
yo mammas breath so nasty that when she burps her teeth have to duck
A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamppost.
After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"
"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.
"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie.
"Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."
There was a flood in a village. One man said to everyone: "I'll stay! God will save me!"
The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said: "Come on mate, get in!" "No" replied the man. God will save me!
The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house. A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help." No, God will save me!" he said.
Eventually he died by drowning.
He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God "Why didn't you save me?"
God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!"
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